Wedding

On Saturday, I got to participate in a wedding.  Any pastor will tell you that performing weddings can be a mixed blessing. 

One the one hand, weddings often involve you with young people who are very self involved, not much interested in church after the preacher says, "I now pronounce you husband and wife," or while they will suffer through counseling or classes have much more interest in holding a great wedding than having a great marriage. 

I've married people who had their marriage fall apart shortly after the wedding.  One bride was actually carrying on a affair while she was making her vows.  I had a bride back in Ohio who didn't show up for the rehearsal but didn't call me to cancel.  The organist and I sat and stared at each other until I finally got the bride on the phone.  "I meant to call you," she explained. "My fiance spent the money for the wedding on boarding his horse."

I had a wedding in Hector that started 90 minutes late.   The bride and groom were ready to go, but the bride's grandfather was delayed.   You see, a cousin in New York City was supposed to get on a bus for Ithaca, about 35 minutes away from Hector.  The cousin instead got on a bus for Utica about a three hour drive away.  So a car, with grandpa in the car as a passenger, went to pick up this cousin. 

The mother of the bride made an announcement, the organist just kept playing, rather like the orchestra on the Titanic.  The best man and I kept the groom iced down, he was fairly livid.

These are the weddings that make pastor's dread weddings.   Today was the complete opposite.

The opposite is good weddings, couples who realize that a wedding point is a starting point for a marriage.   I have performed weddings and then had the privilege to baptize the children born of that marriage.  I love performing weddings for people on second marriages, someone once said, "remarriage after divorce is the triumph of hope over experience," but it is also the triumph of love over pain.   I love performing weddings for people I knew as children or teenagers.

I got to perform a wedding for my friends David and Carolyn who actually met at my 31st birthday party.   They married a year after I graduated from seminary and I traveled back to conduct the ceremony with my mentor Howard Rice and got to celebrate communion with Howard in Stewart Chapel as part of that service.  Carolyn and David had a fabulous homemade reception and I even caught the bouquet.  (I have several bouquets, BTW.  No bridesmaid has a chance against me!)

Today, I got to participate in the wedding of a friend and a colleague.   Leanne is pastor of two churches in Central Nebraska Presbytery.   She has been a good friend to me and I hope I to her.   She asked me to participate in the leadership of her wedding at one of the lowest points in my professional life.  I preached while most the ceremony was conducted by Paul, an actor friend of Michael, the groom.  Paul got ordained through the Internet so he could conduct weddings for friends.  Turns out, like me, he is a UNO drama department grad, he knows my brothers from Omaha Opera Chorus and is the cousin of a college buddy of mine.   He also does a very nice and very professional wedding.

Preachers know a lot of other preachers, so I was really touched when Leanne asked me.   I was the first friend to see her engagement ring after Michael gave it to her, so I was really honored to see that event to the end.   It was a good day, a reverent, worshipful service.   A low key, delicious wedding reception, featuring smoked meats by Mike's dad.  It was one of those days when I feel like, "Thank God I get to marry people!"

Which made me think about a decision made yesterday in Napa, California.  If you are Presbyterian, you probably have heard of Rev. Jane Spahr and how she was just on trial by the Presbytery for performing marriages for same-sex couples while that was legal in California. 

If you are not Presbyterian, you need to know that Janie is an out lesbian, Presbyterian minister.   When the definitive guidance, outlawing non celibate gay clergy was passed by General Assembly, anyone ordained before 1978 was allowed to stay ordained even if they were gay and non-celibate  Janie was ordained in 1974.   For over thirty years, Janie has been the voice of those who wanted to serve the church that told them their sexuality was unacceptable.  She has been the voice of those who  were told they couldn't be married because their love was wrong.   Janie has put herself forward as the face of those the church turns away.  She's retired now, but when these couples came to her to be married, she didn't say no.

So charges were brought.   Three of the four challenges were sustained, in other words, Janie was found guilty.  The Judicial Commission who conducted the trial apologized to Janie and the couples.  The sentence was rebuke by censure, the mildest that could be imposed and will not be imposed until after the appeal.   But Janie was found guilty.  Her crime was marrying people who are in love to each other.  I did that less than 24 hours ago, but because I married a man and a woman, not two women or two men, that was fine.

I could say I don't have a dog in this fight as a straight person.   People sometimes think I'm gay because I am middle aged, tall, large, single and went to seminary in the Bay Area.   But the fact is, and it has taken me many hours of prayer to come to this realization about myself, I like guys.  That was supposed to be sarcastic, can you tell?

I recently ended a relationship with a perfectly lovely man, we fell apart because of distance.   But because he is of a different race than me, there are many places in this country we could not have even contemplated getting married.   That law was wrong.  That law has been changed.

But you know, I do have a dog in this fight.  I have the friends and classmates I have seen leave the PCUSA because of the church that nurtured their faith, has told them they aren't good enough for ministry. 

I do have a dog in this fight:  I want to serve and grow my faith in Christ in a church that actually means that sign that you see out front, All Welcome. 

Seeing a couple in love, gather with family and friends is a privilege we pastors enjoy.   I want to enjoy it no matter who is making up the couple.

Blessings.